Happy Halloween from The 3 Venomy Venoms!

Happy Halloween to all you Venomy Venomers!! I was gonna just sit back in the cave with a glass of cheap port and a cigar tonight and hand-out candy to all the little trick-or-treaters in the neighborhood. Then, I remembered that I've got no neighborhood -- I'm alone out here in the desert. Fudge! Now I've got 12 king-sized bags of Kit Kats and 3 Muskateers(I hate those) that I've gotta get rid of. I guess I'll head out myself and hand the goodies to any kiddies I come across. Sheesh...the things I do for the holiday spirit!

Some of you wanted to show your Venomy Venoms spirit by wearing our costumes. Thanks! Just don't go and do anyting stupid while looking like me or I'll track you down like a cricket and stab my big 'ol black stinger into your neck! But otherwise...have a great time!!

Looks like the annual Halloween Sausage Party has started


Kinda cool, actually.
"Hey dude! There's a scorpion on your head!"


Fat guy in Glad trash bags and duct tape. Nice!

I know I coulda been lazy and just walked out of the cave without a costume. Folks would of thought I was a, well, Scorpion. But I figured that if I was gonna get all into the festivities even a little bit that I might as well do it right. I settled on a "tribute" costume of sorts...something in honor of my Shaolin kung-fu masters back at The Temple:

You think they'll know it's me?

Again, if anybody laughs they're getting a big, fat black stinger right in the neck!

Oh, and what Halloween would be complete without a carved pumpkin?! Like I said, if I'm gonna do it then I'm gonna do it! Here's mine:

No, that isn't a damn lobster!

So, again, a very Happy Halloween to you all out there. Stay safe, be nice to the little kids, and for heaven's sake spend the extra $3 for the good candy, please! Frickin lollipops and milk duds can go to hell!

Scorpion Browsing YouTube

Have been browsing YouTube lately. I use "browsing" deliberately because I usually do targeted searches for something specific when I visit the site(a Shat, Gorn, Trek, SLG. Kung-fu or Scorpion search, for example). Past few days I've just kinda wandered around, starting with the Most Viewed and surfing hyperlinks randomly from there...kinda like the World Wide Web was intended to be used.

Along the way I've seen some very interesting vids: some stupid, some funny, some creative, some a waste of time(makers and mine), some dramatic, and so on. A real gamut(I just wanted to use that word).

I'll have to find a few to put on here. Maybe a 3 Venomy Venoms YouTube Revue, of some sort -- kinda like Siskel and Ebert(or whoever that other guy is).

Anyway, let us know if there's a particular vid you think might be relevant.

Commander Adama Claims OG Status

Good lord! Looks like everyone in the sci-fi world is catching wind of William Shatner's claim that he is an OG Deadly Venom and, as such, is entitled to automatic indoctrination as a Venomy Venom.

Yesterday, The 3 Venomy Venoms received an email from none other than Commander Adama of the original Battlestar Galactica series. In this email he claims OG status also, including attachments of photos "proving" his role in numerous early Deadly Venoms films. Here are two of the photos he provided us with:

Adama and the Deadly Venoms?

Adama about to block a Venom's backhand fist?

T3VV has not yet been able to verify either the authenticity of the photos or the veracity of his claims. We'll work with his group and Shaw Bros. to get to the bottom of this in due course.

In his email, Adama also derided Shat for his OG status claims and for his "work" in general. An excerpt:

Shatner has been posing as an "actor" for 40 years now. From Trek to his so-called singing career to TJ Hooker to his Priceline commercials he shown no focus or talent as a professional actor. And now...and now he's claiming that that poor excuse for a villian, Gorn, is the original Deadly Lizard?! The audacity! I knew Lizard personally and am offended by his perpetrations.

Wow. Seems there's a little something that Adama has been keeping inside for a long, long time. Well, since The USS Enterprise and Galactica can't battle it out in space these days we'll settle this in a more civilized way ourselves. We'll let you know what we uncover.

Oh...Adama wanted use to remind you to catch the new Battlestar Galactica on the SciFi Channel every Friday at 9pm. "That William Adama has a ways to go still," he claims, "but he's carrying the torch rather nicely."

Scorpion's Review of Heroes Marathon and Arena

The other day I wrote about a classic Star Trek episode(The Arena) and NBC's mini-marathon of Heroes, both showing this past weekend. Well I did manage to catch both and am glad I did. Productivity was down this weekend, obviously, but it was a nice break.

Trek, The Arena
I'd forgotten how much there was to this episode before Kirk meets up with Gorn. In fact, they don't start their battle on the planet until just past the half-way point of the show. For a bit I wondered whether this was a different episode entirely.

I was pleased to see a classic red-shirt moment: while they're on the planet's surface investigating the destruction of the outpost a red-shirted extra yells, "Captain! There's something over he-- AHHHHHH!" as he gets zapped into oblivion(complete with cool special effects). Twas a classic example of Red-shirted Extra Discrimination(RED). Good stuff! I recorded it all, too, so I'll have another look at it later.

Heroes (Mini-Marathon)
Excellent! I had only seen the premiere episode so I was looking forward to getting caught-up before the new episode tonight(Monday). On Sunday nights I usually catch new episodes of Cold Case and Without a Trace on CBS so I was in a quandry. Decided to record the CBS shows for later viewing and settled in for a 3-hour Heroes marathon.

I still wonder how they'll manage to keep this storyline going for more than 3 years(assuming it's even their intention), but I do love what I've seen so far. It's obvious that paths are starting to cross. It's also evident that some are having a harder time "accepting" their powers and, if they have, deciding just how they should be used. Hiro, in particular, seems ready to play his role as Hero and though he succumed to greed(gambling) he does seem to be trying to keep things noble. Missy Cheerleader figures out how to get revenge on Mr. Quarterback. Mr. Excuse-Me-While-I-Paint-While-High seems to be coming around to his destiny as saviour, though it'd be nice if he learns how to do so without the drugs. The younger of the Fly Brothers is genuinely interested in figuring things out while his bro plays classic politico. I could go on about all the characters but you either know what I'm talking about already or are just not interested. Which brings me to my next thought...

As they brought in the mind-reading cop it struck me how ADDish this show is. It seems most shows are going this way these days, but the multiple simultaneous storylines of Heroes really exemplifies it. During any one episode you have 4+ storylines going on. Now, it does seem they'll eventually consolidate things as the Heroes start crossing paths but it definitely makes for something engaging. Perhaps too engaging for some members of the audience. Add on top of this NBC's cross-medium promos(blogs, online videos, graphic novels, etc.) and you really have something catering to their target audience(18-40 year olds, I'd imagine).

In case you wanna know a little about tonight episode(9pm on NBC):

Chapter 5: “Hiro’s”
Confused after losing track of another block of time, Niki (Ali Larter) finds the police on her doorstep, searching for her fugitive husband D.L. Hawkins (Leonard Roberts). Claire (Hayden Panettiere) confesses to her father. Hiro (Masi Oka) and his friend get jumped by some Vegas high-rollers. Peter (Milo Ventimiglia) receives a life-changing message from an unlikely source. Meanwhile, Matt (Greg Grunberg) secretly uses his mind-reading ability to anticipate his wife’s needs. Dismayed by recent events, Suresh (Sendhil Ramamurthy) makes plans to return to India to lay both his father’s remains and his research to rest. (Lisa Lackey, Matt Lanter and Nora Zehetner guest star.)

Arena Vid Clips

I'm sittin here enjoying the Trek episode, Arena. It just started so Kirk has yet to meet up with big nasty Gorn Commander. While I was waiting for the confrontation it dawned on me that some of you out there might not have access to a TV or CW TV. So, I thought I'd post a few clips to let you give you a taste of the action.

Arena: 2-Minute Recap
(If any probs, click here)


Arena: Remastered Trailer

Tube Time: Heroes Mini-Marathon and The Arena

Looks like the The Venomy Scorpion will be holed-up in the cave tomorrow(Sunday) once again. Besides the 50 degree daytime weather we've been having lately, NBC is replaying the last 3 episodes of Heroes: "Don't Look Back", "One Giant Leap" and "Collision". Since most people probably saw the series premier on TV or online, this mini-marathon should get folks caught up with all 4 episodes so that come Monday night we're in a nice Heroes groove. In my neck of the desert the festivities start at 8pm(Sunday on NBC). Probably the same for you domestic venoms but check TV Guide if you're not sure.

But the TV goodness actually starts this evening: Shat left us 8 voicemails over the past week reminding us that he and Gorn...I mean, The Original Deadly Lizard...will be on CW TV(Channel 11 for me) this evening at 6pm as The Arena airs. Again, see the TV Guide if you're not sure. He's asked us to pay special attention to the episode as, he feels, it'll no doubt bolster his credibility as an OG Deadly Venom. We'll see.

• The Arena(Star Trek TOS): Saturday at 6pm on CWTV
• Heroes(3 episode mini-marathon): Sunday at 8pm on NBC

The 3 Venomy Venoms' Night Out (The Movie)

The Venomy Venoms are at it again! The new film currently in production and tentatively titled "The 3 Venomy Venoms' Night Out", portrays a typical night out with the 3VVs.
Talent such as Chris Kattan, Will Ferrell and Jim Carey have been signed to play the parts of the 3 Venomy Venoms. We have not officially revealed who will play which parts, but we can tell you this: This film will rock!

A qoute from the director:

This movie will simply be AMAZING! Think of it as 50% Eyes Wide Shut, 50% Close Encounters of the Third Kind and 50% Mission Impossible. Yes, you did the math right. We're planning on putting 150% into this movie!

Be on the lookout for the summer 2009 blockbuster release of "The 3 Venomy Venoms' Night Out" (T3VVNO). It's sure to be a hit!

Toad-y Bikes

The Venomy Toad wrote about his desire for a sensible but sporty set of wheels. Now, though The Venomy Scorpion prefers the slow-pace of life as an 8-legged arachnid, I do wonder every now-and-then what it'd be like to travel faster than 2 mph. And hot desert sand gets to be a real pain on the feet after a while. So, I'll have a look at a few machines myself in the coming days.

During our ongoing research we did come across a few toad-themed(i.e. green) SV650's that are under consideration:

And this one -- it's a chopper and the girl might cost extra but a little variety is nice sometimes:

TOAD's Motorcycle Wish

Toad has been wanting a motorcycle for a while. Some say it's a deathwish, while others are encouraging him to buy the biggest, baddest sportbikes in the market. However, Toad is not so easily influenced when it comes to this decision. He's set his mind on a bike that's both friendly to the new rider, and yet offers enough performance to please even the seasoned motorcyclist.

Enter the Suzuki SV650.

This is a photo of a 2003-06 SV650 with a few small modifications - most noticeable are the dual headlights (the standard SV has a single light), clip-on handlebars, belly pan, a Devil high mount exhaust and rear seat cover.
It's not a super-bike compared to literbikes such as Yamaha's R1 or Kawasaki ZX10. But the SV offers loads of value and performance at an affordable price.
The 90 degree V-Twin also means plenty of torque and an exhaust note to please even the most skeptic!
All the reviews speak high praises of the SV650 since it's introduction in 1999. Toad can't wait to get one!

Updates on Sammy and Shat

Just an update on the status of T3VV applications submitted by Samuel L. Jackson and William Shatner:

Sammy
After some legal troubles in Hong Kong over his role as The Black Eel, Sammy was able to continue on to the last few stops of his Asia-Pacific tour to promote his latest movie, Snakes on a Plane. He expects to be back in the US later this week and we've scheduled a follow-up meeting with him then.

T3VV has been reviewing supporting documents submitted by Sammy. At this point, though we are inclined to believe his stories about his early-career roles with the original Venomy Venoms we're not quite convinced that the nature of these ties qualifies him for Honorary Venomy Venoms status. Obviously, we look to keep the bar for inclusion high to prevent a flood of new applicants claiming OG status. After all, not just anybody can be a Venomy Venom.

But we've by no means made a final decision on Sammy. He claims to have ample additional supporting documentation to "seal the deal"(his words). We look forward to seeing this and will report on what we discover.

Shat
Shat himself has been busy touring lately to celebrate the 40th Anniversary of the Star Trek franchise. We've also been reviewing Shat's supporting documentation and, frankly, we're not so hot on his claim that his Gorm-look-alike buddy is, in fact, The Venomy Lizard. Despite Shat's insistence on the uncanny resemblance we just don't see it...do you?

So Shat is gonna have to come up with something a lot more convincing. Again, we haven't made a final decision yet so we're staying open to whatever else he offers at our next meeting. We actually have a voicemail asking that we give him a callback to discuss some related matters. As always, we'll let you know what happens.

Surveillance video

Toad has come across a surveillance video of an unidentified woman whom we shall temporarily refer to as "Viper", pending official ID. This video was found purely by accident while Toad was performing "intelligence gathering" on Interpol's Internet Resource Network (IIRN). Toad doesn't have an "official" account on the IIRN so we'll keep the details regarding these "research" excursions secret for now. In the video we can clearly see that Viper is outnumbered, out gunned, but clearly not outclassed. Viper swiftly dispatches all three of her captors with ease. She didn't even break a sweat - believe me - I looked! Toad likes detailed analysis of intelligence material. He watched this particular video several times to verify its validity!

Watch for yourself. Toad thinks we should track down this Viper and determine if she be friend or foe.

Toad is Anticipating 300

Based on Frank Miller's Graphic Novel about the ancient historical tale of the 300 Spartans who fought against a massive Persian army at Thermopylae. From the little that I know about this story - the odds were impossibly against the Spartans (300 verses thousands) yet they fought to the death with legendary ferocity.

Toad is an Alumni of the "Spartans". Probably why he's so excited about this upcoming movie!

Looks like there will be lots of CG and Virtual backgrounds along with some special filters applied to the film. Not as extreme as Sin City - another movie inspired by a graphic novel by Miller - but enough to make the look and feel "unique".

Planned release is March 9, 2007! Toad will be there in full Spartan garb!

Top 10 Signs you are addicted to coffee

Top 10 Signs you are addicted to coffee
10. Urine is brown.
09. You crap coffee grounds.
08. Your liver is a coffee filter.
07. You eat the coffee beans whole.
06. Every sentence begins with, have you had coffee yet?
05. You have coffee during breakfast, lunch and dinner.
04. You count beans in your sleep, not sheep.
03. You complain of migraine headaches, while drinking your third espresso at 10am.
02. Your rent/mortgage payment is late, but still pay $5 dollars each day for that cup of coffee.
01. You sell your blood for coffee.

The Centipede vs The Toad

Sunday today so things are a little slow around The 3 Venomy Venoms cavern. As I slept(hey -- I'm nocturnal) the Toad and Centipede did a little sparring to stay busy. All that noise and commotion they were making woke my ass up. With my lightening fast reflexes and ever-ready-to-strike instinct I almost lashed out with my tail before I figured-out what was going on.

After settling down I grabbed the T3VV videocam and taped the sparring session. And though we usually keep this stuff Top Secret, as it demonstrates our venomy kung-fu technique, we're in a good mood today so we're sharing some highlights:

The Centipede and Toad Spar!

Samuel L. Jackson an eel smuggler?

So, we were scheduled to meet with Samuel L. Jackson(aka Sammy) today to discuss his membership into The 3 Venomy Venoms. He was a no-show, though. No phone call from him or his agent. He left us vulnerable and exposed at a downtown Starbucks while we waited for his ass. We were tempted to tear-up his application then and there but figured we'd let the man at least try to come up with an excuse.

Earlier this evening we got one. Seems our recent story about Sammy's early-career exploits as The Black Eel caught the attention of folks as far away as Asia(kung-fu heaven, so it's not a huge surprise. We're revered there).

Yesterday, Hong Kong issued a warning about contaminated eels imported from China. Well, Sammy happened to be traveling in HK promoting his...um..."movie", Snakes on a Plane. Turns out that government officials in HK had read our story about The Black Eel BUT somewhere between here and there, lost in translation, they interpreted things incorrectly and figured Sammy to be an eel smuggler. Our post translates into Chinese along those lines, apparently. Through a rather complicated Bayesian analysis method T3VV determined that the only way our post could have been mistranslated in this fashion is in the following manner:

"black" = "smuggler" in Chinese??

Cards were stacked against him even before he landed in HK.

Per Sammy:

"What the hell were they thinking?! A Black Eel smuggler? Drugs, laundered money, prostitutes, illegal aliens, I can understand, but who the f--- smuggles black eels?! It's a good thing there weren't any problems with toast around here or I'd have been accused of being a damn toast smuggler, too. Damn fools!"

By email, HK customs officials commented:

"The post at The 3 Venomy Venoms blog, though initially misinterpreted, gave us probable cause to seize and search Mr. L. Jackson's belongings. In addition, a rather incriminating photo was subsequently discovered on his person that necessitated detainment and further questioning."

Though officially reluctant to share any info on it, when pressed to explain what they meant by "a rather incriminating photo" an anonymous source shared the following:

Sammy collaborating with an apparent known eel smuggler

In the end, we decided to reschedule our meeting with Sammy and give him another chance. He's had a mess to deal with and we feel at least a little responsible. Not sorry...but a tad responsible.

See ya next week, Sammy!

Venomy Scorpion goes back to his roots

The other day I wrote about my adventures with a cheap plastic fork at The Magic Dragon. Well, today I had a craving for something different and thought: "Why not go back to my roots?"

So, through some underground connections I managed to get my claws on a juicy cricket. Actually, more like 7 juicy crickets. Take a close look and you'll see my mouth stuffed with them. I know...I'm more like a Venomy Pig, sometimes.

Mmmmmm! Just like momma used to serve 'em up!

Nothing like digging into a good 'ol-fashioned homestyle meal using nothing but your dirty claws. No cheap plastic forks, no MSG and no bloating!

Toad hits the "big screen"

Be on the look-out for Toad's debut on the big screen!
Super action Kung-Fu fantastic!
Granted you must own a big screen TV to see me on "the big screen". But hey! Straight to DVD aint all that bad! That just means more of you can enjoy this action packed thriller, suspense, romance. sci-fi, documentary-style human interest- musical that's based on a true story even sooner!



Read what some of the critics are saying about my new movie:

"...Stunning..."
-USA Today

"...Eyes glued...to the screen..."
-NY Times

"...jaw-droppingly...amazing..."
-GQ Mag

SEE IT TODAY and win a chance to enter into the Meet the Toad Sweepstakes!

Pedo-Foley vs Scorpion: It's On!

The 3 Venomy Venoms really, really hate pedophiles. And we hate cover-ups and a lack taking of responsibility even more. I won't get all political here cause that's not what I do. Plus, I'm not into rational arguments. I'm a Scorpion, after all. There are more than enough respectable sources of info on the story so Google "Mark Foley" and make up your own mind.

This is all I need to know:

• Republican leadership called it "over-friendly" but nothing more than that, and knew about these casees for some time.
• Foley was chairman of the Caucus for Missing and Exploited Children. I guess it's not always good to have an expert on a topic leading things.
• A sample of one of the many IM chats(note MAF54 is Foley):
  
  Maf54: I want to see you
  Teen: Like I said not til feb...then we will go to dinner
  Maf54: and then what happens
  Teen: we eat...we drink...who knows...hang out...late into the night
  Maf54: and
  Teen: I dunno
  Maf54: dunno what
  Teen: hmmm I have the feeling that you are fishing here...im not sure what I would be comfortable with...we'll see

And all those excuses about alcohol addiction? Like Wanda Sykes said on Leno the other night: "Gettin drunk might make you sex a fat chick but it don't turn you into a pedophile."

Illegal? Maybe, maybe not, technically. Inappropriate and unethical? Yes. Plain sick? F--- yes!

Scorp knows all he needs to know...so it's on!

Scorp Likes The Simpsons

Ugh! It's that time of year again: MLB Playoffs on Fox. Scorp likes baseball -- don't get me wrong -- but Scorp likes his Simpsons reruns even more and them playoffs run right over my two early evening episodes. What the heck am I supposed to eat dinner to now? Good thing Comcast's OnDemand service recently added CBS so I've been catching up on CSI episodes from the past two weeks.

Homer and I go way, way back:

Buddies on a couch: Me likes Homer
but me don't likes Homer thongs.

Looks like a single 11:00pm episode is gonna have to do. In fact, it's starting now.

Oh, and the Cards finish-off the Yanks in 7. If you can't beat 'em, then...Play Ball!

Heroes on NBC Tonight

After The Venomy Toad's excursion last night, the 3 Venomy Venoms are taking the night off to catch our favorite of the new season lineups: Heroes on NBC at 9pm. Fortunately, we do get live TV feeds from where we're at right now(not The Vagina Tandoori). But since we're always on-call(Special Ops is like that sometimes) it's nice that NBC shows replays on its website just in case we get called out.

Many of you have written asking why we weren't in the series premiere last week. Well, friends and fans, NBC does have to save something for later. After all, T3VV often overshadows things a bit so we're laying low for now letting the series gain its own momentum. Don't worry, though, you'll see us very soon.

We weren't in the premiere,
but we're on the ad

We'll have some thoughts on episode two a little later. You might even see an appearance by the elusive Centipede, resident TV/movie reviewer of the crew. Stay tuned!

Toad Leaps Into Battle

Last night's mission against the enemies of the free world was a tremendous success! Mounted on my mighty M1 Abrams Main Battle Tank, the forces of terrorist evil never stood a chance. The picture below taken by a UN journalist captures one of the many salvos of death-dealing justice fired point-blank into the hairy asses of our enemies!

120 mm super-sonic enema

The return trip into the Vagina Tandoori was relatively uneventful. However, a few stragglers who tried to ambush the mighty Toad soon found that the cheaply made 1976 Datsun pickup truck (aka the terrorist hummer) was no match for 67.9 tons of venomy goodness.

Did you feel something?

Satelite imaging clearly show the chaos that ensued that night. Here you can see the destructive power of the Toad's arsenal as multiple terrorist targets were destroyed simultaneously from miles away. The cowards all scurried away like a bunch of scared cockroaches! Score one for T3VV!

Super advanced satelite imaging!

MySpace: Ass Ugly AND Slow!

Is it just The Scorp or is MySpace sloooow as hell? I won't even get into how ass-ugly the site is(besides saying how ass-ugly the site is). Tried to make myself a profile tonight. And what did I get for patiently waiting for 42 YouTube videos, 19 Flash animations, 8 embedded mp3s and 22 banner ads to load and play simultaneously?? An ass-ugly site. Gee...thanks, MySpace!

At first I thought it was my computer or my connection. Wi-fi access out here in the underground caves of Islamabad(not saying that's where I am) isn't exactly leading-edge. But when I headed over to the Vagina Tandoori things weren't any better. And all other traffic to and from the Vagina gets in-and-out real quick. I was the only one stuck in there. Even at the Vagina MySpace stinks!

Still, I had to get myself at least a basic profile. How else is Scorp gonna scope for enemies? This is the best I could do for now:

The Scorp chillin in bed

I'd give you my profile name and ask you to add me but I'll spare you the molasses hell and will just invite you to keep coming back here to our blog.

Scorp Hates Plastic Forks

So I was at the venerable Magic Dragon(cheap but good fast-food Chinese restaurant) the other day. Had been a long, long time since my last visit(has to do with why T3VV was unheard from for a while). Not much changed: good prices, tons of food, tasted great.

Does seem, though, that they've cheaped-out on the plastic forks. Really, really cheaped-out! I could barely stab a piece of wonderful General Tsao's or Sweet-and-Sour Pork without fearing the fork would break and splinter into my eye. I took a chance, though, and opted to stick with the in-house cutlery instead of breaking out my tail and taking care of business. Besides, my stinger was sore from too much poking the previous night.

But I still hate those cheap forks. Only reason that I'll go back is that at least they're taking the fork-money and putting it into larger serving sizes. Scorp likes to get bloated on Tsaos.

The food was yummy so I took my
chances with the cheap fork...


The aftermath

Next time you're in Islamabad, Pakistan and feel like dropping by to say Hi rest assured that we use only the highest quality plastic utensils at Vagina Tandoori.

Secret Pakistani Venomy Venoms Headquarters

Strategically, yet most inconspicously located secret hide-out, a lair of sorts, for the 3 Venomy Venoms. Located in the heart of Islamabad, Pakistan, where the 3VVs plan surgical (and deadly) strikes against the "evildoers" that are terrorists. Beware Osama Binladin! It's only a matter of time before you and your brethren shall feel the deadly (and most venomous) wrath of TOAD, CENTIPEDE and SCORPION!

Weird Al - Venomy Enough?

Weird Al submits his music video to the Venomy Venoms in an attempt to earn the graces of the feared kung-fu triad. Does he have what it takes? Is his kung-fu strong enough? How WEIRD is he REALLY? Will he let us ride his pimp Segway?